Saturday, November 3, 2012

The Bracelet

In 2008 my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I stillremember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I got the call. I wassitting in the passenger seat of Peter’s car and we were dropping off one ofour Young Life kids.  As soon as Iheard the words “honey…………(long pause) I have breast cancer” I went numb. Aftercomforting me that she would be ok, she quickly got off the phone. No matterwho you are and what you believe, I bet when most people hear “cancer”associated to someone you cherish so much you begin to cry out to God to letthem live. I did. I was not ready to face this life without her and so I prayedand prayed that she would survive.

A sweet friend of my Mom’s made bracelets for all of my Mom’sfriends to wear as she went through her cancer journey. The bracelets served asa reminder to pray for healing everyday. 

The months that followed the news were filled with surgeries,chemo and radiation. As an incredible writer, my Mom took many along with heron her journey through writing. I have every single one of her journal entriesand will never forget reading each of them….sometimes laughing historically andsometimes weeping as I curled up in bed and prayed that this would passsuccessfully.

I will never forget going home and seeing her in a nightcap. She said “are you ready?” and she removed her hat. My breath caught in mychest as I pushed through tears and forced a smile. “It looks good Mom.” Whowas I kidding, my Mom’s bald head didn’t look good. The only thing good aboutthe situation was knowing that we could totally trust that God had the bestplan for my Mom.

After a long year of procedures and pains, ups and downs,highs and lows my Mom was declared to be in remission! She had “survived” andshe was ready to get back to her life. Get her body back. Get her energy back.

The spring following her remission, my Dad and her took atrip to San Diego. On that trip she started to develop a bag stomach pain. Shewas worried that her cancer was back and it had spread. She confesses that thisis something that goes along with being a cancer survivor; wondering if everache and pain is the sign of its return. She laid in bed that night and criedout to God. “Please Lord, let this not be cancer returning to my body. AndPLEASE LORD, LET ME LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO MEET MY FIRST GRANDBABY.” The Lord gaveher peace and she shut her eyes that night.

The next morning, my Dad and her were in their hotel roomwhen the phone rang. Having no idea that she has prayed this, she answered thephone to my voice. It was me, her daughter, and…..I was calling to tell her Iwas pregnant. My eyes are flooded with tears as I marvel in God’s precious andperfect timing. 9 months later, my Mom held my hand as I birthed her firstGranddaughter, Nevaeh Grace. And that is what she was for my Mom; a littlepiece of heavenly grace.

I was going through an old draw yesterday when I found the bracelet and I was quickly overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving. My Mom has since become a grandmother of 2 baby girls, has grown her beautiful hair back, has gone back to work, and has continued to shine for Jesus. If God takes her home before me, my life will forever be changed. But I know we will dance together for eternity. I love you Momma. You are my hero. 

Nevaeh as I explained what the bracelet meant.

The bracelet over Selah's heart ( well not exactly positioned right but you get the idea)

Selah holding the bracelet

I love this picture! The bracelet and Selah's holding my hand

Praising God for my Mom!

Nevaeh giving the bracelet a kiss:) WE LOVE GRANDMA!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Turn of events.

It's one of those days..or should I say weeks. The computer crashed (of course, right after I booked 7 photoshoots) so I'm writing this from my iPhone. (Should be interesting). My patience is minimal and my energy low. I put Nevaeh down for a nap, she goes down easily. Then I spend the next 45 minutes getting Selah down. Finally, after getting some gas out she falls asleep. I lay my head on my pillow to try to rest for a few minutes...recharge on this day full of frustration...less than 30 seconds of my head being on the pillow...I hear Nevaeh start to cry. She has awoken! Are you kidding me??! We have family pictures at 5 and I'm not sure I have the energy to gather the flock and attempt to get a picture with us all looking the same direction. I can tell my attitude is lousy and my desire to change it is really only for selfish reasons..I don't like feeling like this.

I'm reminded that patience, love and joy are fruits of the spirit and therefore nothing I can force or fake. I simply need to be a vessel fit for the presence of God to dwell in me. Ba hum bog. I feel like Scrooge right now.

But I don't want to settle! This is no fun so here we go. I may not be able to force or fake patience, joy and love but I know what I can force: my attitude.

So this does not come naturally, but with a sincere heart let me try this again.

Today has been challenging. I welcome you challenge. My hubby has been working a ton and taking a class on the side so my time with him (and away from the girls) is small. God, I am so thankful that my husband has a job. With unemployment rates so high, I'm sorry for grumbling about my husbands busy schedule. You are the great provider and I praise you for that. I praise you that you've blessed my socks off with a husband who is so smart..what a privilege that if I have a question about really anything I could feel equally confident asking Peter as I would asking google.

The terrible twos have debuted in the Zimmer home early..but Lord I'm so thankful that I have a toddler. We have watched three sweet families lose their babies and they would do anything for one tantrum or one meltdown or one more moment with their children. Thank you for my little Nevaeh. She has her moments but more than that she has so many beautiful moments when her heart shines and her sweet personality spills on to those around her.

Thank you for Selah bug. A baby crying can be very frustrating but again I praise you that have blessed us with not just one but two precious little girls.

God I know I can't do this motherhood thing alone. I fail miserably when I try. Thank you that you give us a helper the Holy Spirit. I need you.

Thank you for perspective that comes only from time with you. Dr. Phil has nothing on you Lord! I love you, let my attitude reflect that the rest of this day. Sorry for being a bum earlier. Thank you for forgiveness and grace! Where would I be without it?!

Until we meet again!

Monday, October 1, 2012

We just got back from a fabulous family vacation to San Diego. It was such a sweet time with Peter and the girls and we got to see lots of family and friends while we were there. Escaping to the cooler climate, the change of scenery, and the refreshing beach air just blessed us tremendously.

I was anxious to dive into my Bible this morning, since that is one thing I didn't do on the trip. I'm doing a fabulous study and this morning I read about the Israelites wandering through the desert and the provision of the Lord. (If you are interested in this study, let me know!) One of the bullet points in my study states "God revealed Himself to His children through constant care and provision. He still does. In what ways has He recently shown you His heart by providing for your needs?" 3 things came to mind immediately.

Almost exactly a year ago we were headed to San Diego for our family vacation. We were about 100 miles from San Diego when our car totally stopped running. Peter quickly veered to the side of the road and we got out. It was still very hot where we were and Nevaeh was about 8 months old. Multiple people stopped to ask if we needed help and we finally ended up leaving the car and hitching a ride with some construction workers. We had them take us to the nearest little town and called the tow truck. Peter and I were both convinced that my little Snow White was toast. After hours or waiting for tow trucks and rides to arrive, we dropped off the car at a little hole-in-the-wall mechanic and headed into to San less. Four days later, we picked up our car, only to find out it wasn't toast! The car had lost transmission fluid and that is why it just stopped running. We were so thankful!

Sooo this year as we headed to San Diego, we definitely had not forgotten our previous experience. We prayed leading up to the trip, right before our trip and on the road.... and gave PRAISE when we officially passed the place where we broke down with the same car, one year prior. It's the little things that I have been really loving lately. God answered our prayers that our car would successfully take our little family to and from San Diego safely and without any problems!

The second day we were in San Diego I started feeling sick. Like flu sick. I was achy, hot and feeling really icky. It was only day 2, we still had 3 full days ahead! Peter prayed as we crossed the Coronado Island bridge that God would take away this sickness so we could enjoy this time we had as a family. I text my Mom and brother and asked if they would pray too. I love having people to call on that you know will really pray. After a 2 hour nap, I woke up feeling completely better! I was just so grateful that God had heard and answered our prayers so we could continue to enjoy our time in San Diego.

Night number 3 Selah woke up at 3 in the morning with a fever. I had totally forgotten the thermometer and the infant Tylenol so we were kind of stuck. I knew that finding an open store to buy a thermometer and Tylenol would not be easy. I didn't want to overreact but I was concerned that my little 3 month old had a fever. I lay in bed and thought of what I should do...then I did what I thought would be best. Prayed. I put my hands on Selah's little head and prayed for protection and healing of her little body. And I prayed she would wake up healthy and without a fever in a few hours. I woke Peter up and he prayed as well. I fed Selah and she went right back to bed. Five hours later we woke up to a fever less, happy baby girl!

God is beyond good. He provided so much for this sweet little trip we took. Everything had his hand on it.

Bless you Lord....and thank you.

Sometimes I think that it has to be big, dramatic things in order to really give God the glory for provision. But it's so not true. God provides the big and the small. And I love that about Him. How would you answer this question? "In what ways has He recently shown you His heart by providing for your needs?" I'd love to hear!

Happy Monday friends!!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Life is a big classroom.

The other day as I was praying for patience through a bout of Nevaeh tantrums I realized there is a lot to be learned from toddlers. I started putting together a list of things that I learn through Nevaeh and then added some things I try to teach her. Here they are, in absolutely no particular order: 

Try Everything Once. (learned)
I mean why not, right? To me I wouldn't think that something that you wiped all over your smelly, hairy, armpit would appeal to the pallet, but if it tastes as delightful as it smells it's worth a shot. Now there are more useful things to a somersault. Because once you try this, you may find that you can actually do it and do it well. See Nevaeh tried a somersault and did it wonderfully. Now she does somersaults and jumps and headstands all day long. As an adult, it would be quite odd to pick up somersaults. But there is always golf, knitting, writing, speaking to groups. Try something. Do something. Discover.

Be a fan of yourself (learned) but not your biggest fan (taught)
I just love when Nevaeh gets a kick out of herself. She claps for herself quite often and I realized we need to do that sometimes. Clap for yourself. But know when to stop. No one likes those people who are their own biggest fan. There is so much to learn in this life and I highly doubt you'll ever master all of it. Give yourself some credit for where you are putting forth effort and once you actually excel at something, let others cheer the loudest for you. 

Be other peoples biggest fan. (taught)
I have this list. It's mental so no one can actually view it, but it's basically a list of people I am huge fans of, for one reason or another. I have a dear friend, Raquel. Couldn't be more proud of her accomplishments and humility. She's done things I can't even pronounce, but you'd never know it unless you looked at her resume. Cassi. Couldn't think of a more encouraging friend and passionate person. Linda Andrews. Can't even explain in, just something about that lady I can't get enough of. My list seriously could go on and on and on but since you don't know these people I won't bore you. 

Include everyone (learned and taught)
I love this one because it's dear to my heart yet I don't feel like I've intentionally taught Nevs this. Whenever she gives me a kiss or a high five or a "nice to meet you" handshake...she has to go and give baby and Daddy one as well. There is hardly ever a time when she will only give one of us a kiss, it's usually a family affair. And I love it. I want her to be aware of other people's feelings and I think this is a great start. I understand you can't ALWAYS include everyone, that's just not practical or wise. You need intimate settings and friendships but I'm talking about in general. If you think someone might get their feelings hurt for not being invited..just invite them. This is probably why I invite 60+ people to our parties. Ok, maybe I need to work on this. 

Never tire of a wonderful welcome home greeting (learned-big time)
There is nothing more wonderful I can think of than when you walk through the door and this little 30 inch ball of LOVE comes running at you full speed with the biggest smile and the happiest face. I realize this would be a tag ridiculous if I did this, but I can modify. Getting up off the couch or walking away from the sink to greet my man is a wonderful life lesson learned from my 20 month old. 

Get your hands dirty (learned)
Not a huge fan of diving into things. Whether I'm plagued by laziness, doubt, or germaphobia I tend to like my hands clean. Nevaeh on the other hand....she'll pick up a cricket, she'll smear smoothie all over the table, she'll rub glue in her hair...she's not afraid to get messy. In fact, she often welcomes messy. I don't think I will rub glue in my hair or smoothie on my table, but I'm learning it's ok in life to get a little messy. To try things. To fail. To get back up. To discover! 

Always say good bye with a kiss (learned)
Whenever Nevaeh picks up any sort of bag she says "byeeeeeee" and comes and gives you a kiss. She is pretending that she has gathered her stuff and is now ready to leave. It's really sweet. I realize I should never be in such a hurry that I don't kiss everyone in the house before leaving. You never know when your last good bye will be. 

Be creative (taught)
I always tell Nevaeh that getting dressed is one of the favorite parts of my day. It's a time to be creative! Unless you go shopping quite often you might tire of your wardrobe frequently. I do. I can't tell you how many times my husband has heard "but i don't have anything to wear!" The truth is I don't have anything NEW to wear. Am I spelling wear right? All of a sudden it looks funny. ware. Ok I think i was right. Brain fart. If you have 3 pairs of pants, 3 shirts, 3 necklaces, and 3 pairs of you know how many different and NEW combinations you could create?? So Nevaeh is slowly learning, that you can add a different bow and pair of shoes to a dress and make it look totally different! viola! 

and finally....

Be Passionate! (learned and taught)
Aren't toddlers just the most passionate little things? My little Nevs loves her blanket. If you decide it smells and needs a washing, watch out. She may or may not throw all 22 pounds of herself onto the floor and wail the entire time it washes AND dries. Or if you rid her of a nap and then also tell her "no"....oh man. Well I guess that wouldn't be passion...that would be tiredness. Anyways, I love Nevaeh's passion. Not the bad passion, but the good passion. Her face and body exude life and passion as she explores and discovers all there is to discover in this world. I never want to grow out of that. Passion makes you hungry. Hungry for more. Hungry for life. 

Thanks Nevi Nu for teaching me, reminding me, and making me laugh! 


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

TGFR "Thank God for ramps" and old and new life!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Life. How fast it goes. I stare at the littlest, sweetest baby face many hours of my day. This new life brings a sense of hope. Hope for a beautiful life ahead. Where, if God wills, the days behind her are few and the days ahead are many. But when I leave my house I'm always made aware of the elderly who rely canes, walkers and if lucky, a loved one's arm to assist them in the simple thing of walking. You see to me walking is simple, but not to the person who has undergone hip replacement surgery numbers of times or the person who has fallen from a 30 foot climbing wall and now lives in a wheel chair. So i don't take this for granted. Walking is a gift.

Today I started a Bible study. It was at a church that I don't actually attend so I don't walk this campus much. I've been there a time or two but am unfamiliar with it for the most part. I arrived and as always had to assemble a game plan of how to get my little family of three from my car into the building that was 100 yards away and separated by a large parking lot full of elderly drivers :/

Aha! My infant was sleeping so she would ride in the stroller while my toddler would hold my hand through the parking lot into the the building and to her classroom. It worked just as planned and we made it through the parking lot to the .....stairs! Stairs separated us from the building. I quickly realized that I had just walked past a dozen plus handicapped parking spaces, thus realizing that there had to be another option besides these stairs. (sidenote- can two kids be considered a handicap? I think I'll look into that) So I look around and quickly spot a ramp. It's not until I'm finished with class going back down the ramp that I had the following thoughts. 

Ok fast forward a few hours. All the women are leaving the building, some talking about where to go to lunch, some just on a mission to get to their cars asap, some lingering and chatting with friends. After I grab the girls from the nursery I make my way back to the ramp. And there it happens. My eyes fill with tears. Tears happen to be my reaction to a lot of things. It wasn't really sad what I saw it was just "life" and sometimes "life" just totally moves me and my reaction is tears. And sometimes laughter with tears. The stairs led straight to the parking lot. The ramp took a little longer as it wrapped around a large section of grass. About 20 feet ahead of me a lady was using the ramp because she clearly couldn't have used the stairs. She limped as she hung on to a walker that gave her the support she needed to walk. She walked slowly, cautiously even. It did not look easy. I had a horrible vision on my toddler innocently running down the fun ramp and knocking her over so I held my little Nevs back until the other lady made it to the bottom. Then I thought of myself and why I was using the ramp. I had new little life that was chilling out in a four wheel stroller and I was no fool thinking of taking the stairs with a stroller. (i've seen it done before) so that's why I was on the ramp. The ramp can be used for all types of things but today what I saw was the ramp being used for old and new life. Both so incredibly precious. 

It made me want to shout! "Thank you Lord! You are beyond awesome and I'm lucky to know you!"And it made me tear up and then laugh.

Psalm 47:1-2 Clap your hands, all you people! Shout to God with songs of joy! For the Lord, the Most High, is to be feared, a great king over all the earth."

The ramp that brought me great joy today!

Ramp running!
Ramp usage required!

Whatever life has you using these days, the ramp or the stairs, I hope you find God's hand in it. 


Thursday, September 6, 2012

I cannot believe...let me take that back..i can totally believe that I haven't posted to my blog in about a year! one year! Life say the least. Now I'm not a Momma of one but two! Two little angels in my home to love on, snuggle, kiss, pray for and cherish. Still that awesome, hot husband walking around to love on, snuggle, kiss, pray for and cherish. 

My passion for writing has not died, but grown! The only difference is that in this phase of life, my words are not written down, but rather written and stored in my head. Until I forget of course, which these days take a little less than one hour. That is why I'm motivated to use my blog again. To remember. To share. To write. 

There is no way I am going to bore you with the details of all that has happened in the past year. The first paragraph pretty much sums it up. Instead, I will pick up from here and share maybe once a week, once a month, heck maybe not again for another year. 

What I would like to do is share with you some pictures...because aren't pictures just the greatest? They tell so much. I love communicating through pictures, which is actually why I am starting to get into photography! These pictures will share what we have been up to lately! 

Loving this verse today: 
Psalm 103:1 Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name!

Bless you Lord! 

and bless you my sweet friends!


My sweet angel Selah Kate

Our newest joy! 

That sweet face I get to wake up to everyday!

Two daughters? I must be dreaming! Loving me some girly wirlies! 

Seriously saving money using our espresso machine to make Lattes instead of  buying them! 

Doing tons of projects around the house! Peter made these frames for us! Cost him about $12 worth of the store it would have cost about $50 for 5 if we got lucky! I love them!

Starting to really get into sewing and wanting to start making my own clothes!  We will see! 

I love doing crafts! I made this wreath for our new family and children's pastor who will be joining our church! 
Nevaeh! If i had to describe her in a sentence: big personality with a huge heart and smile that will melt your heart. Pretty much obsessed with this little love bug. Nevi nu!